Confronting my "Phantom Menaces."
How a little Jedi wisdom is helping me defeat fear and become a better writer.
“The circle is now complete.”
The Phantom Menace is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year. . . And, man, do I feel old!
But, all kidding aside, this year’s “May the Fourth” weekend was a special experience for me. It was a delight to finally watch Star Wars: Episode I in theaters for the first time.
Yes, you read that right: I actually missed seeing The Phantom Menace in theaters when it first premiered in 1999. My family didn’t go to the movies theater often back then. It was a rare treat.
I seem to remember that my parents were concerned that the movie would be too frightening for me (11 years old at the time) and my little brother. If that sounds kind of silly in retrospect, you have to remember that Darth Maul was all over the advertising and promo images for this movie:
In any case, my brother and I (both huge Star Wars fans) didn’t get to watch Episode I until it came to home video. (Ah, the heyday of VHS!) We did manage to see both Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith in theaters, but only now—twenty-five years later—does the circle finally feel complete. (Pardon my shameless paraphrasing of Darth Vader!)
In the days since that recent theater screening, a few lines of dialogue in particular have stuck with me. I must have heard them countless times before, but for whatever reason, I felt like I was comprehending them for the first time. These simple tenants of Jedi wisdom have been helping me to identify the “phantom menaces”—counterproductive ways of thinking and acting—that have been holding me back from being the best writer and creator I can be.
(By the way, this idea of naming and confronting such “phantom menaces” is not original to me. If you want to read more about it, I highly recommend subscribing to
by and checking out his wonderful new book My Life with the Jedi: The Spirituality of Star Wars)“Be mindful of your feelings.”
This is a common Jedi mantra repeated throughout the Star Wars saga. In The Phantom Menace, when being tested by the Jedi Council, nine-year-old Anakin Skywalker denies being afraid. But the Jedi aren’t fooled. “See through you, we can,” Grand Master Yoda admonishes.
There’s wisdom in this scene. Often my inner feelings, beliefs, and preconceptions go unexamined. I’m simply not consciously aware sometimes how negative self-talk, self-limiting beliefs, and knee-jerk assumptions hold me back and stifle my growth—professionally, personally, and spiritually. It usually takes a patient outside observer (a family member, close friend, or mentor) to remind me when I’m going astray and to challenge these self-defeating tendencies.
Here’s an example: Fear. Like many other writers and artists I’ve spoken to, I’m often plagued by self-doubts and negative self-talk about myself, my work, and my creative potential. These are the products of fear: fear that I’m not really talented enough, fear of rejection or failure, even (paradoxically) fear of success.
Yoda says that to give in to fear, to let it control your actions, is to start down a dark path that leads, in the end, to a life of misery and suffering. That certainly can be true. Unchecked, my own negative feelings have lead to (sometimes unintentional) self-defeating behavior: I become reluctant to take risks and explore new opportunities for growth as a professional writer because I fear the shame and embarrassment of failure.
Irrational fear is a kind of “phantom menace” that holds me back from the life that I was created to live. God does not want me, you, or anyone to be paralyzed by fear! From now on I’m going to take Grand Master Mace Windu’s advice and be mindful of these feelings.
“Your focus determines your reality.”
Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn says these words to young Anakin Skywalker after the boy is rejected for training by the Jedi Council. Disappointment, rejection, and failure can often lead me to focus inwardly. I dwell uselessly on my negative feelings of self-pity and self-reproach. I beat myself up with more negative self-talk.
But if my focus really does determine my reality, then choosing to dwell on fear, self-loathing, or other “phantom menaces” is like building a prison cell that opens from the inside, shutting myself in, and refusing to use the key.
We see this play out tragically in Star Wars. Anakin Skywalker was afraid of loss. In The Phantom Menace, he was afraid of losing his mother. When Shmi is murdered by Tuskens in Attack of the Clones, Anakin’s guilt leads him to vow never to lose anyone again. He set himself on the path to deeper and more desperate fear. This fear fueled his anger and resentment, which in turn fueled even more fear. By the the time of Revenge of the Sith, Anakin had, in despair, closed himself completely from off the aid of his friends and loved ones. Darth Vader’s mechanical exo-suit was a prison of his own making.
Now, to be perfectly clear, I’m not in danger of becoming a Sith Lord any time soon. But to defeat the “phantom menaces” that hold me back, I do need to reorient my focus. All too often I tread the paths of fear, regret, or other negative emotions. But I can choose another path, and so can you.
So, what is to be my new focus? And how will it shape my reality? It’s not like my life and mental habits are going to magically change overnight—but I have to start somewhere. Really, I shouldn’t be overthinking the answers to these questions. As Qui-Gon advises Anakin before the Boonta Eve podrace, “Feel, don’t think. Use your instincts.”
My instincts are telling me that my focus should be on my God-given identity: I am a storyteller. That’s what God created me to be. I believe that. And I believe that sharing my stories with all of you is the best way I can live out my storyteller mission.
I think Star Wars is so powerful because it taps into the primal power of stories. Stories are universal. Stories forge connections between people. Stories can remind us that our deepest, most authentic desires were placed in us by God for a purpose. All of our personal stories are part of the one Great Story that God is telling.
Substack is going to be my platform for sharing new and exciting stories with you. I want to focus on making Pageturning the best author newsletter it can be so that I can become the best writer and storyteller that I can be. I have some plans on how to make that happen, which I’ll be sharing with you in the days to come.
Until then, may the Force be with you!
Did you enjoy this essay? If you did, I’d like to invite you to subscribe to Pageturning and to share this post with a Star Wars fan in your life.
My author newsletter exists because of the support of readers like you. I love to engage with my audience, so please leave a comment below! Has Star Wars helped you to confront a “phantom menace” in your life? Let’s get a conversation started!
It's wonderful to read this, my friend. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Great insights into fear and the creative life. And thanks for the shoutout!