Page fright!

Or, how I came to understand my writer's anxiety.

Photo by Jan Kahánek on Unsplash

In my last Pageturning Report monthly update, I mentioned that one of my writing goals for the next three months of 2025 was to draft my first novel. It was going to be a grand and cerebral science-fiction novel, full of real-world allusions, philosophical themes, and literary references. It would be my break-out book! It would be sure to impress an agent!!

Well... that over-ambitious project stalled on launch. Honestly, I should have seen it coming. Every time I sat down to face the blank page... I froze. Even working on an outline for this book seemed like an insurmountable obstacle.

So... I pivoted. Perhaps instead of a heavy sci-fi magnum opus, I could write a rollicking adventure—a time-travel novel stitched together from a series of loosely connected short stories. That should be easy (and fun) right??

But it wasn’t. (Also, it dawned on me that my beloved plot was basically beat-for-beat the same as a one-season sci-fi show from fifteen-ish years ago.)

To say I was frustrated would be an understatement. I’ve wanted to write a novel ever since I was a kid. But the more I thought about seriously committing myself to this lofty resolution, the more nervous and self-conscious I became. The thought of facing the blank page (or in this case, the blank Word document) was terrifying.

Fears and anxieties paraded through my imagination for my torment—What if no one likes my book? What if I can’t get this thing published? What if it’s poorly written or cliched? What if I run out of steam halfway through the draft? What if this is all a big waste of time? What if? What if? What if?

Ah, the familiar voice of writer’s anxiety. Most people call it writer’s block. I like to call it “page fright.”

“Why is this happening?” I thought. “I’m a published author. I know I can write. This shouldn’t be that hard. Nonfiction comes naturally to me. But whenever I try to write that great SF/F novel I’ve always been fantasizing about, I freeze. Page fright sets in. Suddenly, even writing a simple sentence seems too overwhelming. What is wrong with me!”

Yesterday, during my early morning prayer routine, I took these frustrations and doubts to my trusty journal. In the silence and peace of pre-dawn hours, I was given a surprising insight into why I’ve spent so many years struggling to write that “great SF/F novel”:

What are the stories that truly make me come alive? It turns out, I already knew the answer.

Legend Fiction’s “Stories: LIVE!” is a biweekly critique group run by my friend

Mary Rose Kreger

. Those meetings have been a game-changer for me! The group’s enthusiastic reception of my work-in-progress paranormal military thriller, a novella called “Field Station Delta” has encouraged me to write more paranormal/weird sci-fi stuff! I’ve even outlined a sequel to “Field Station Delta,” provisionally titled “The Nordingham Incident.”

But for months I’ve sat on this new story, doing nothing with it. “This isn’t the kind of book I’d want to bring to an agent,” I thought. “Shouldn’t I be focused on writing something publishable?” This was pride talking, the chief of the deadly sins. And it had gotten hold of me under the guise of a healthy ambition—the desire to publish a debut novel the traditional route.

Instead of ambition to excel driving my creative energy, this subtly insidious pride robbed me of enthusiasm, fueling my page fright. Instead of making steady, measurable progress on a story I was genuinely passionate about, I ended up paralyzed by my own self-imposed creative anxiety.

Now that the nature of the problem was clear to me, I could change course. Today, I sat down at my desk and made a list of my three biggest writing priorities for the next quarter of 2025:

1. Sequel to The Riddle of the Tongue-Stones: Write the second draft. (Send to beta readers?)

2. “Field Station Delta”: Continue to revise and bring to the critique group. (Self-publish this year?)

3. “The Nordingham Incident”: Write at least 12,000 words by the end of June.

Project 1 is another nonfiction book for young readers. This is a form that I know I’m good at. Project 2 is already a work in progress that I’ve been actively sharing with my friends at Legend Fiction. Project 3 has been on my mind ever since I finished the first draft of “Field Station Delta.” As mentioned above, I already have a decent outline, as well as a basic plot synopsis and character bios.

Like “Delta,” I want to write “Nordingham” primarily for my own enjoyment and the entertainment of my friends. It’s not a story that I ever envision submitting to an agent. But that’s okay! Thus, I’m free to write this creepy, weird, and quirky novella purely for fun, without fear of becoming self-conscious or paralyzed by apprehensions of failure.

So, that’s the current state of my writing journey. I hope that at least some of this gibberish was interesting or helpful. Every writer faces his or her own unique challenges, but writer’s anxiety (in its varied forms) seems to be a struggle common to many.

Thanks so much for reading and supporting my creative ventures! What’s been your experience with writer’s anxiety (a.k.a. writer’s block or page fright)? How have you overcome these fears and doubts? Let me know in the comments below? Let’s get a conversation going!

Until next time, take care, God bless, and happy reading (and writing)!